on the necessity of polarity

danni | snatch.land
Nov 14
2 min read

The biggest relationship myth I hear?

That if we were more similar, things would be 'easier'...

As if sameness = safety

As if difference = danger

Which leaves the idea intimacy should feel like merging into one identical being

But what most couples don’t realise is that...

Similarity doesn’t create intimacy, difference does

Difference is the spark, the tension, the erotic pull

It's where desire breathes ✨

The part no one talks about?

If two people in a relationship are the same… then one of you isn’t needed...

Sameness creates comfort - but it doesn’t create growth, expansion, passion or depth

Of course, some things must match...

Your core values, your life direction, your non-negotiables around relating, family, purpose, integrity

These form the ground

But within that shared ground, it’s your differences that create the texture - how you regulate, how you communicate, how you open, how you protect, how you connect

This is where the aliveness between you lives

Polarity is the field where you become more whole

Not by finding your 'matching piece'…

but by meeting your opposite and learning from the tension between you

And interestingly,

the more attached you are to your side of a polarity,

the more likely you are to attract someone who embodies the frustrating opposite

Not to torture you...

But to grow you

To break open the rigid parts of self

Show you those edges you avoid

Essentially to evolve both of you into something fuller, rounder, more conscious

This is one way wholeness can be found,

through the path of relating

Not in merging

Or in sameness

But leaning into the mirror of difference

Working through discomfort, triggers and tension is not necessarily a sign that something is wrong, but potentially an initiation into who you’re becoming as a couple

And to be clear: this process does NOT include overstepping limits, crossing boundaries, coercion or any form of abuse

Healthy polarity honours choice, safety and consent

Growth happens in the tension between two regulated adults, never in dynamics that harm or diminish one another

When couples stop fighting their differences and start learning from them…

• communication softens

• triggers make sense

• safety deepens

• desire returns

• the partnership becomes a path of soul growth

Polarity isn’t a threat

It’s a teacher

It pulls you forward into a more centered, happier, truer self