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on the pleasure of connection

Photo credit : pinterest : source unknown

The level of the nervous system offers a crucial key to understanding those finely woven patterns of automated reactions that have become ‘built-in’ to us over the years as conditioned responses to sources of pain

Fight, flight, freeze, fawning

All in place to try keep us ‘safe’ - a noble effort on the part of our system for sure and certainly it’s worth offering sincere gratitude to these mechanisms for ensuring our continued survival in the face of what is perceived as, and may indeed be, an existential threat

But if there’s no choice, no freedom, and the responses are hyper-activated, then life becomes limited. The past lives on in the present - sometimes for our benefit, but often to our detriment

Choices are based around what feels possible. Areas of life linked with what can be overwhelming levels of activation become closed off completely, or available to us only in a partially, or even fully, dissociated state - a withdrawal of feeling from the body, as if parts of the soul fly out of its physical anchoring

This allows preservation of the ‘essence’ of ourselves at all costs - but at the same time hides the very core that makes us who we are, that represents our very aliveness

Presence occurs in its full richness when we can feel welcome and ‘safe’ within a situation/environment - where the nervous system can ‘stand down’ from its job to guard us from harm. This state is labelled social engagement - and the name reflects the possibility to truly connect with others outside of our survival-based protective mechanisms

Intimate relating, whether platonic or sexual, relies on this possibility to relax and feel at ease. To be connected with a sense of your essence - responding to those around you from a place of choice within the present reality rather than built-in automated patterns based upon past experiences which may, or may not, still represent a threat to you

My experience is that the patterns won’t ‘leave’ necessarily, but what is possible through the work I, and other trauma-informed practitioners offer, is creating more space. Space between yourself and the automatic impulse that arises - allowing observation from a witness perspective and the possibility to choose whether to go with that impulse or follow another response if it feels more fitting to the current situation. For me this is self-sovereignty and the freedom to ‘run your own household’

It’s a privilege to have a sense of personal agency in our choices outside of these automated responses - which themselves can bring a host of difficult emotions in their aftermath such as confusion, shame and self-loathing that must be carefully faced and worked through

Making a commitment to invite more pleasure into your life isn’t selfish or hedonistic. In fact, I believe finding a basic sense of pleasure within our being is our birthright. But it’s one that isn’t always available to everyone

It is for this reason that this forms a forefront of my coaching as I am continually committed to uncovering those parts submerged in darkness that long to be understood and resolved through the shining light of tender awareness

Where do you feel ‘stuck’ on autopilot? Which stimulus from outside gives you the feeling of being hollow, a sense of disconnect/numbness with the world around you, the ‘essence’ leaving somehow? What helps bring you back into yourself? What self-care practices do you have in place that nourish your soul and allow you to feel connected to yourself in a deep and beautiful union?

If any of this resonates with you then feel free to reach out for a complementary call around how I can assist in your journey back to relating from your essence, to enjoying the sovereignty of an embodied state of living - with endless benefits for your connection to self, universe and other

Pleasure is your treasure

’Coming home’ to yourself is a delicate and sacred journey, and it’s my honour to stand beside you each step of the way


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