• on riding the pleasure wave •
Sexuality can encompass both PEAK and VALLEY orgasmic experiences
In our private lives, as well as in representations of sex in society and through the media overall, there is all too often an over-emphasis on ‘peak’ sexual experiences.
Peak arousal can be understood as those huffing, puffing, hip-thrusting, sweaty, screamy mega-gasms that make great visual material for porn or a short and effective representation of sex in conventional TV or films.
This represents the YANG or ACTIVE side of sex.
Along with being physically active through movement, there will often be a lot of tension held in the body as you reach a peak orgasm.
Try to notice next time you are heading to a ‘little death’ what is happening in your body. Are you relaxed in the pelvis, hip and thigh area?
- How about the jaw, neck and shoulders?
- Are you holding a lot of tension there?
- What is happening with your breath?
- Short and sharp inhalations, panting?
- Perhaps you are holding your breath completely?
These are all typical signs of peak climax and worth checking for to recognize your sexual patterning – what your body has learned to be the ‘go-to’ conditions in order to reach climax.
In Tantra, the aim is to be able to freely ride the wave into both extremes and find your freedom outside of being attached to overly needing either to enjoy your sexual pleasure.
Tantric sex consciously mixes moments of peak arousal with the other extreme of sexuality – the YIN or PASSIVE arousal.
We can compare the peak orgasm to a mountain that must be climbed, and the work that has to go into that to 'achieve' the orgasm.
The Yin, on the other hand, can be compared to the feeling of allowing yourself to fly off the mountain and let gravity take over the work for you as you glide through gentle layers of sensual pleasures.
YIN sexuality involves a deep level of relaxation
- within your mind, being mostly without thoughts
- within your breath, which is long, slow and deep
- certainly within the muscles surrounding your sex, pelvis, thighs and stomach
By taking time once reaching a peak arousal to relax your system, the energy built-up through stimulation can dissipate throughout the body rather than being localized or ‘locked into' the sex by the surrounding tensed muscles
You are able to be intensely aroused while also being intensely relaxed - a wonderful feeling
In this way, it will normally take much longer for your whole body to become fully charged with sexual excitement as opposed to charging only the 'locked in by tension' genital area to be released in a 'bomb' style peak explosion.
However, once you decide to invest a good hour in creating such a pleasure state the rewards of being in full body pleasure are well worth the effort. Here, every cell is vibrating with energy, creating a new level of sensitivity to every touch and a full body pleasure response.
It will likely feel a much more subtle build-up to get to full excitement over an extended time, so subtle a lot of people miss the sensations, or negate them as not being the sexual excitement they are used to experiencing.
A lot of women suffer from this oversight in penetrative sex for instance, where the sensations inside the vagina are so very different from peak clitoral stimulation and often harder to recognize and enjoy. Men can also struggle to let go into a prostate orgasm as opposed to the more known sensation of stimulation from the head of the penis.
The peak orgasm is always looking to 'go somewhere' - higher into excitement until explosion occurs with around 10-15 seconds of pleasurable muscle spasms within the body followed by a feeling of exertion.
Once in the valley orgasm phase, you have arrived in your pleasure.
Everything is enough just as it is - surrendering to the moment and the relaxation creates the more subtle waves of energetic pleasure rippling through your system - and this can go on potentially for hours without coming to a sudden end.
Often this experience can 'charge you up', replenishing energy in your body's system rather than exerting it as in a peak experience.
This is a path often unknown – and one certainly worth experimenting with!
We can look at these two types of experience as complimentary and interchangeable – with both types of sexual exploration having benefits to them. Neither is 'better' than the other and I enjoy both within my pleasure practices - alone and with partner(s).
Many people only know one side, or know one side much better than the other.
Which is your preference? Could you enjoy both styles of arousal? Consider your most memorable sexual experiences – would you describe them in terms of peak or valley sexuality?
A great way to explore these states is within a tantra massage setting with an experienced and well-trained practitioner, where you have the opportunity to experiment with both of these types of arousal through blending excitement and relaxation - riding the pleasure wave!
See the session as a way to explore yourself – what you know already as a preferred sexual response, and what you might have never tried before.
By having your giver take charge of the active role in the session, there is a wonderful opportunity to lay back and try relaxing into pleasure to experience the 'valley orgasm' sensations.
For men, this is particularly encouraged by touch focused on the perineum and anal/prostate area. For women, inside the vagina and particularly around the G-Spot can bring these relaxed pleasure waves.
If you are curious to find out more about how to build these arousal states into your solo or partnered practices get in touch - email@example.com